After reflecting within myself, it’s time to take accountability for my actions online and their impact on others, whether intended or unintended. I’ve learned the hard way, much to the expense of others, that my actions online have enabled harmful behaviours on the internet and within our community. I learned this when a peer met with me to explain how my social media usage harmed them. It can be hard to hear that you’ve hurt the community you’re committed to uplifting, but I needed to hear it if I want to do better. I want to share what I’ve learned to take accountability, and in the hopes this piece acts as a healthy model for platform responsibility, social media usage and approaching reconciliation with those harmed.
I want to unpack together how using social media can enable harm, even if this goes against your best intentions and that despite these intentions, you can still be responsible for any harm your actions cause. Let me start with a personal example of how intention does not mitigate the harm caused by your actions.
I recently had an incident where I was informed by numerous workers that a peer was subtweeting (defined here) about me and my work around financial literacy for sex workers. In what I thought was a mature response, I quoted that tweet directly online in a well-intentioned, positive thread where I accepted and validated the criticism. My intention was to confront the unhealthy culture of subtweeting, while also using it as an opportunity to discuss some of my research. My intention was to encourage criticism, both online and behind closed doors. I shared words of thanks and gratitude because criticism is how people learn and grow.
Except, I got it all wrong. The sex worker was not subtweeting at me and my reaction actually contributed to further unhealthy internet culture, the very thing I was trying to confront. Instead of privately clarifying with them and and de-escalating the situation, I engaged in poor leadership and validated the incorrect assumption that it was directed at me and my work. In response I got mean-spirited criticism towards myself and my character, but more awfully, to the sex worker I quoted, who was not prepared for the onslaught of harassment they received from my followers. My actions were particularly wrong because my following is much larger than the peer I quoted at a 50:1 ratio. It’s easy to say that because I didn’t direct any harassment to them I am not responsible, however, I have a responsibility to know that the internet is a hostile space for many workers, and I could predict what happens if you send a large amount of unwanted traffic and attention a sex worker’s way.
This situation illustrates how easily things can be misunderstood and blown up when engaging in public social media discourse, and showcases why platform responsibility must be exercised to avoid such harms. An apology is only meaningful if the person understands what they’ve done wrong, regrets the harm they’ve caused and makes a commitment to do better. Since it’s been brought to my attention that the way I use social media has been harmful, and since I have experienced this firsthand now, I’ve taken time to review my behaviour and analyse the contributing factors that led to my actions. I’ve shared my reflections here with the hopes that it serves as a positive model for others who use social media.
I am sorry for reproducing unhealthy internet culture that does not align with my values. I am sorry for using my platform irresponsibly. For the harm I’ve caused the community, I am also very, very, sorry. Since this particular incident, I have apologised to the peer and met with them to understand what happened. I feel grateful and honoured that this peer took the time and steps to pursue reconciliation with me because without that courage, I most likely would not have recognised the errors in my ways. It takes courage to confront the people who hurt you and I want to acknowledge that.
If you’re reading this and have been harmed by my social media actions, I hope you can reach out and connect with me to share why. I bear full responsibility for my actions and am committed to writing my previous wrongs, and changing my behaviour moving forward. I am also happy to connect with anyone who contributed to harm in this particular circumstance, to help you better understand how this was harmful for everyone involved and to unlearn this culture of reactivity online.
I’ve taken this situation very seriously, and I am happy to talk about it further because I do believe peer-to-peer education is how we make for a healthier, more supportive community.
If you’ve made it this far, thank you for joining me through my process to meaningfully acknowledge my growing understanding of platform responsibility. And once again, I am sorry for my actions, the harm caused, and I am grateful for the time given, and the opportunity offered, to do better from this.
Until next time,
Estelle